literature

The Cult of Ikea

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littlefishey's avatar
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Literature Text

And I wasn't the only slave to my nesting instinct. The people I know who used to sit in the bathroom with pornography, now they sit in the bathroom with their IKEA furniture catalogue. - from Fight Club by Chuck Palahniuk, 1996</i>



What is it about Ikea? No matter what time of day and which day of the week Ikea is always busy, this is an enclosed world where daylight doesn't enter and whatever is happening outside is unimportant. Ikea is another planet where everything is a good idea and so very very cheap.</p>


You walk in (through a gliding revolving door) and from that moment you know you are at their mercy, the stairs take you up to the restaurant and then sweep you along to the salesfloor. You're no longer in your own country, you have entered an independant republic. Once you're in the loop you wander for hours and hours, there is a map, but you don't bother looking at it. The sofas sit comfortably in the midst of mocked up living rooms, made to look like the usual occupants have just nipped out to get a sandwich, you try out the seats and mentally move in. You move round and seem to be going in a circle, but almost without noticing you have floated through to the kitchens, and there are so many cupboards to open, so many drawers and hidden fridges and dishwashers.



In your head, by this point, you've spent a couple of thousand pounds at least, but even so you still think 'It's all so cheap'...


Bedrooms, bathrooms, studies, childrens rooms... Time, by this point has become completely immaterial and when you find you've seen everything there is still one more place, more dangerous than all the others...


The Marketplace. Here you get all your peripherals, lighting, glassware, curtains, bedding, material, rugs. You think you've spent money already? You aint seen nothing yet. You're aware that you are on the sticky end of ahuge great marketing ploy and that you've been chewed up and used by a company that knows how to sell so effectively you can't help but get sucked in. But you can't stop and you don't care, because buying stuff feels good here, even if you probably can live without it, it sure as hell doesn't feel like you can.


Now, for those who have succumb to the temptation and have bought furniture there is the humbling prospect of the warehouse, the place where Ikea turns from heaven to hell, you have a shelf number, you think you can find what you want, but why is it that it all seems so confusing now?


Anyhow, once the items, which have names like fartful (which is a childrens desk), Apskar (a wash basin) and Trevlig (which is a cakestand and the word for pleasant in Swedish) have been loaded onto your large cart and you've struggled through the checkout with it you have the final Ikea trick. The Hotdog Stand.


From the first to the last moment Ikea is selling to you, but no one cares. Even to a cynic like me, I kea is more than a store, it's a way of life.

Ikea, a land where it's always Sunday afternoon. Ikea, where meatballs are served for every meal. Ikea, where you spend more than you can afford because it's all such good value. What is it with Ikea? Humble consumer; worship at the world's most effective marketing technique... Join the cult of Ikea.
© 2005 - 2024 littlefishey
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life-wont-wait's avatar
YES!!! Do more prose!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You have to! :please:
:heart:
*Ahem* Glad you submitted this as a deviation. :hug: